Makes me that much stronger

So time for an update about Jonathan. I think I wrote already that he signed the papers to change her last name to Stewart from Brinkley. This is very exciting for me. I really don;t like being called Mrs. Brinkley by doctors or other people who don't know. And it will be confusing to her in the future. I got an update from the court that they have posted the announcement. This is an old school step in the process that requires posting an announcement at the courthouse about the proposed name change to see if anyone objects. it is posted for 30days. Does anyone know anyone who checks the court house monthly for the announcements they post? Yeah neither do I so hopefully I am safe. Anyway as long as Jonathan doesn't change his mind in the next two months the judge should sign the papers. YAY!!

Other than that he hasn't been paying child support but I am not stressing over that. It takes alot of effort for me to keep making phone calls and try to get the money. That just makes me stressed and more angry and I decided a long time ago that I don't want to be angry anymore.

It would be nice to have that money. I would be able to pay back my parents faster and actually move out someday. After daycare and my other bills I can't afford to move out. Kinda ironic that I work so I can pay for child care to take care of her while I work. Actually luckily I earn more than just to pay child care so I can actually pay my bills and have some fun. But if I had someone to watch her for free I could totally move out. However I wouldn't take that option anyway. I love Reese's school. Playing with all the kids and everything she learns there. This summer they will have puppet shows, pony rides, story tellers, Spanish classes, field trips, and weekly water activities. Don't get me wrong it's sad leaving her in the morning but I know that I could never teach her as well as the teachers at school. I mean these people are trained teachers so I can't even come close. I have spent 16 years in school so far and am contemplating getting my PhD in a few years so school is pretty important to me.

So looking back on things with Jonathan I realize I have learned alot. No one knows the whole story of everything that happened and no one probably ever will. It's in the past and I have learned from it. I share parts of it to help people understand me better but that's about all. So one major thing I learned from Jonathan is that I will not let someone put me down again. I am a grown woman who has a successful job, raises a child, and is getting an advanced degree at the same time. Heck, I found out today I am cited for my work on a project in two articles so I am a published scientist. (which apparently is cooler to me than anyone else) I let Jonathan make me feel bad about myself. But I won't let that happen again. I refuse to let anyone try to hurt me or talk down to me like I am beneath them. I have learned that people who do that are insecure themselves and trying to feel better about themselves by making other people feel badly.

Don't get me wrong I am all for playing around with friends and joking with each other or making fun of each other. But there is a difference between sarcastic and being hurtful. The old me would have retaliated back to people and fought with them and tried to hurt them like they hurt me. That doesn't really follow with being a Christian however. So instead I will pray for these people to find peace with themselves rather that hurt others. I will also choose to avoid situations where I am around those kinds of people because seriously who likes to be around those people.

So I guess that is my Jonathan update. It kinda went off a little bit but overall things are good and everything that happened has made me a stronger person. My ringtone for Jonthan is "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera and it's true.