Makes me that much stronger

So time for an update about Jonathan. I think I wrote already that he signed the papers to change her last name to Stewart from Brinkley. This is very exciting for me. I really don;t like being called Mrs. Brinkley by doctors or other people who don't know. And it will be confusing to her in the future. I got an update from the court that they have posted the announcement. This is an old school step in the process that requires posting an announcement at the courthouse about the proposed name change to see if anyone objects. it is posted for 30days. Does anyone know anyone who checks the court house monthly for the announcements they post? Yeah neither do I so hopefully I am safe. Anyway as long as Jonathan doesn't change his mind in the next two months the judge should sign the papers. YAY!!

Other than that he hasn't been paying child support but I am not stressing over that. It takes alot of effort for me to keep making phone calls and try to get the money. That just makes me stressed and more angry and I decided a long time ago that I don't want to be angry anymore.

It would be nice to have that money. I would be able to pay back my parents faster and actually move out someday. After daycare and my other bills I can't afford to move out. Kinda ironic that I work so I can pay for child care to take care of her while I work. Actually luckily I earn more than just to pay child care so I can actually pay my bills and have some fun. But if I had someone to watch her for free I could totally move out. However I wouldn't take that option anyway. I love Reese's school. Playing with all the kids and everything she learns there. This summer they will have puppet shows, pony rides, story tellers, Spanish classes, field trips, and weekly water activities. Don't get me wrong it's sad leaving her in the morning but I know that I could never teach her as well as the teachers at school. I mean these people are trained teachers so I can't even come close. I have spent 16 years in school so far and am contemplating getting my PhD in a few years so school is pretty important to me.

So looking back on things with Jonathan I realize I have learned alot. No one knows the whole story of everything that happened and no one probably ever will. It's in the past and I have learned from it. I share parts of it to help people understand me better but that's about all. So one major thing I learned from Jonathan is that I will not let someone put me down again. I am a grown woman who has a successful job, raises a child, and is getting an advanced degree at the same time. Heck, I found out today I am cited for my work on a project in two articles so I am a published scientist. (which apparently is cooler to me than anyone else) I let Jonathan make me feel bad about myself. But I won't let that happen again. I refuse to let anyone try to hurt me or talk down to me like I am beneath them. I have learned that people who do that are insecure themselves and trying to feel better about themselves by making other people feel badly.

Don't get me wrong I am all for playing around with friends and joking with each other or making fun of each other. But there is a difference between sarcastic and being hurtful. The old me would have retaliated back to people and fought with them and tried to hurt them like they hurt me. That doesn't really follow with being a Christian however. So instead I will pray for these people to find peace with themselves rather that hurt others. I will also choose to avoid situations where I am around those kinds of people because seriously who likes to be around those people.

So I guess that is my Jonathan update. It kinda went off a little bit but overall things are good and everything that happened has made me a stronger person. My ringtone for Jonthan is "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera and it's true.

You asked for it

Ok so apparently I suck at this whol keeping my blog updated and serveral people ahve ye4lle at me to update. So this first one will just kida be an update and I'll try to get some more otu there this week cause I do have stuff on my mind. Just been to busy to write it down.

We'll start with school. A few weeks ago I received the horrible news that a class I needed to take in May would not be offered until January. This really sucked since I was supposed to finish the program in December. I called and asked if I could still take all my other classes (including my Capstone which is the final class you have to take to get an MBA). I was informed Capstone would only be offered in the Spring from now on. The decision had been made a year ago but they never told the students. You can imagine how frustrated I was. I went from having 7 months of school to a whole year. Well those of you who know me know I don't keep quite when I'm pissed. I wrote an email to the Dean of the business school and ended up talking on the phone to the Assistant Dean. I was shocked to find out that she had no idea how the MS/MBA program actually worked. I had to explain it to her to show her how the decisions they had made were affecting us. Theywere no longer going to offer classes if less than 10 students signed up. Well if your cohort only had 12 students and a few decide to skip a semester or take a different class instead you are screwed. Anyway after my phone call and I assume some more form other students in the same spot as me the school decied to let us take a class in Columbia instead of Rockville and still get credit. This option didn't work well for everyone but I took it. Communiting from Frederick to Columbia isn't very fun but 6 trips is worth it for me to finish in Decmeber. (the class meets tues, thurs, sat for 3 weeks and one Sat is already canceled). Of course I wouldn't have taken this option if there wasn't the chance that they were going to do something about letting us do the Capstone in the fall. I find out next week but I am 90% sure they wil let the 8 of us do an independant study (still a group project but no teacher and no set class times).

So right now school is looking really good. My negotiations professor is really good and very fun so I will learn alot in his class. My june/july class is only one night a week. And in the fall I will have an online class and this group project. I don;t know what I will do now that I'll actually start having eveneings free! Watch out I may be calling you to schedule a Pampered Chef show. Although 1st I have to call all of Hillary's customers since (tear, tear) she is leaving the business.

ok I rambled alot about school and I do have to do some work today. But I will right more in a bit. For suspense up coming topics include: Reese, Jonathan, Dating, and anything else that pops into my mind.

Reese story time: Reese is definatley showing her personality. In the mornings I pick out her outfit and lay it out for her. The I will leave the room to go get something. I come back and she is attempting to get undressed and redresed all by her sefl. Most of the time she is pretty sucessful except for a few cases of backwards pants or arms through the neck holes. But she only wants help if she asks for it. And she's pretty good at asking for it if she needs it. But I do see mine and Jonathan's stubborness coming out sometimes and that's a little scary.

Why is the sky blue?

How do flowers grow? Where do babies come from? Why did my goldfish go away? Where is Reese's daddy? The question that come from small children. Every parent knows they will have to answer the questions that come from their children. But I now find myself having to answer the question that comes from other peoples children.

Reese has never asked me about her dad. She knows her friends have a person named Dad. She's played with Neil and Wes. But never once asked where hers is. However apparently other children are now asking and their parents are turning to me to tell them how to answer. Most have given me the reason of wanting consistency. They want to tell their kids the same thing Reese is told so there are no conflicts later in life. I guess I appreciate that. But I guess I just wasn't ready to think about what to say.

My mom has a friend in PA. She is younger than my mom and kinda her adopted daughter. Lisa has 4 children who call my mom Grammy Beth. There are 2 girls age 10, a boy age 8 and another boy age 6. They all came down to visit me after Reese was born and the kids hear funny stories about Reese from my mom when she calls them. A few months ago Lisa was driving with all four kids in the car. When Philip the 8 yr old boy asks "Mommy where is Reese's Daddy" As Lisa relates the story to my mom her internal response was "Dammit Clare what am I supposed to tell my kids" Luckily before she had to answer one of the twins replied "Clare is still looking for her Prince Charming and he will be Reese's daddy"

My mom told me the story b/c she thought Helen's line was so cute. She didn't even think about the line that went through Lisa's head. I understand that no parent looks at their daughter while she's growing up and says "I hope she becomes a single mom" and I know my situation is not ideal. But it really sucks to have it relayed to me by more than one set of parents that they feel awkward having to talk about me. Like I'm an "issue" they have to deal with. Telling their kids about Reese's daddy is as uncomfortable as the thought of having the sex talk with their kids.

Joanne talked last night about having wisdom and how we shouldn't worry about having the right words when people ask us about our faith because at that time God will speak through us. I know that Reese was sent by God so I have always felt that when she asked me He would help me know what to say. But know the question has come and it's not from her. So I will spend some time praying to figure out what to say. I welcome advice from anyone out there.

heading to PA

So we are leaving this afternoon for Pittsburg for my Uncle's funeral. I will be doing one of the readings since he was my GodFather. I don;t know which one I'm doing so I'm gonna include both here.

Romans 6:3-4,8-9

3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.

Isaiah 25:6-9

6 On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine,of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.7 And he will swallow up on this mountainthe covering that is cast over all peoples,the veil that is spread over all nations.8 He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces,and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,for the Lord has spoken.9 It will be said on that day,“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.This is the Lord; we have waited for him;let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

Please pray for my family tomorrow. Also pray for my Aunt to help her sell her house. She and my Uncle had already been in the process of trying to sell and move to SC to be with thier daughter and my Aunt's step-mother. But thier house is over 40 years old and needed alot of work to make it desireable. Needless to say most of the work was being done by my uncle. Now there are 1/2 finished projects everywhere. It's hard for my Aunt to finish them herself and she really wants to move out of the house. So help her find a family that is looking for a house they can fix and work on so that she can go be with her family and not be stressed about the house in PA.

Funny Reese story time: Reese just switched DayCares. She now goes to a school in Frederick near me b/c her's was shutdown after a fire (on the weekend noone was hurt) So I asked her yesterday while we driving home to tell me about her new classmates and what thier names are. She answers "Ummm Sarah (that might be true), Danny (that's not true, that is my old boss), Baby Jesus (well I know Jesus is in her class room since he's everywhere), Bandit (our cat), and Monkey (her new stuffed animal from Aunt Anne at the Zoo)" I asked her the same question later around my Mom and she answered the same way. Way too cute!