Terrifyingly Excited

Yup I think those 2 words somewhat describe the feeling I've been having lately. My heart is racing faster than I thought it could and I have that goofy smile you can't get off your face. It is 108 days till the wedding. It seems so far but also so soon. Mat made a comment shortly after we started booking things about how it was scary that things were happening now. I told him I didn't like the word scary being used to describe marrying me, but now I get it. Scary, terrifying, exciting, amazing, just a few words to describe what it indescribable.

It's like I've been waiting in line for a ride my whole life. I've made friends along the way but hadn't found the person I wanted to sit next to. Then a little over a year ago I found Mat and shortly after I knew he was the one. It was great having someone to stand there and talk to while we waited. But now we're getting closer to the ride. We can hear the laughs and screams of people already on it. Sometimes we can catch a glimpse of parts of the tracks, big drops, loop-de-loops, etc, but we can't see the whole ride. We won't ever get to see it until we're on it. We know this ride is amazing and can't wait but we're scared at the same time. We see some people get out of line. We've heard that sometimes people fall out of thier cars and are badly hurt. Some of those people decide to ride the ride again, some don't.

But we're in this together and we want to ride the ride soo badly. The waiting is hard. Sometimes I wish the line would go faster. Other times I think it's going to fast. But I have Mat next to me so no matter what it's ok. The ride is long and an amazing adventure. It will start with the ceremony - as we get into our car and TJ helps us make sure our seat belts (God) are in place and there to help hold us together. Then the reception - the slow part where you keep climbing up and up, higher and higher. Your soo excited but you have no idea what's coming up ahead. Then you reach the top and the ride starts. The honeymoon - the first big rush of excitment - followed by the rest of your life. There are twists and turns. The ride will turn us upside down. Sometimes it will slow down and then suddenly there will be another big drop - that might make us laugh, but could make us scream or cry. Sometimes there will be sharp turn that slams us against each other, othertimes a gentle turn that pulls us closer together. But through it all we will be there next to each other. And we will have God as our seat belt, the bar that's just above your lap so you don't always feel it until you need it to keep you in.

Yeah I am terrifyingly excited about what is to come. But I can't wait for the ride to start!

Wedding Update

So YAY Mat and I set a date for the wedding. Super exciting but super craziness now. The wedding will be Sept 27th at Grey Rock Mansion. It's such a beautiful location, we're so happy. I picked out my dress (sorry no pics of that) and I've picked out the bridesmaid dresses. I can't put a link up for them b/c it's the Mix and Match stuff and it always default to one style :-( But they are beautiful long satin skirts w/ either a strapless or strapped(?) top in apple :-)

Reese will be my Maid of Honor and Hillary is my Matron of Honor (MOH). I also have Anne, Katy, and my sister Meg. Mat has his 2 brothers.

We've secured a photographer through a recommendation of an old friend and our friend Lyle is going to do the sound. It's amazing the people God has put into our life to help us bring together this wedding. We have a pretty small budget and we'll def go over what we originally wanted to spend, but we'd rather pay friends than strangers.

I'll try to update with more details as they come along. I've been staying up WAY to late trying to plan out details. I'm hoping I get a job sometime soon and when that happens my amount of time to plan and meet with people will decrease ALOT. Current projects include:

Guest List w/ addys
Pick/order flowers
Pick/order favors
Write: Invitation, RSVP card, Letter about kids*, and babysitting form*

*We're requesting Reese be the only child (except newborns) at the wedding so we're setting up some babysitters for people

More info later

I need a job

It's been about 2 1/2 months since I was told I was being let go and I still haven't found a new job. The market for biotech jobs was pretty hard already and now we're entering graduation time. I don't have to compete with any undergrads. But graduate students will make things harder.

I have much stronger faith this time than last time I was job hunting. But I'm human and the faith waivers from time to time. When I get a couple emails in one day saying I wasn't chosen for a position, it hurts. Knowing everyone else who was laid off w/ me has found a new job, it hurts. I've interviewed for a few jobs and 2 of them seemed cool. One I REALLY wanted. and of course, those are the jobs I never heard anything back from. Not even a rejection so I could get some feed back.

The biotech industry had little niches, once you settle into one it's very hard to move to another. For example I don't have experience with protein purification except for DNA and RNA or immunoassay experience. Alot of job descriptions want ELISA and Western Blot experience (Sorry to anyone who doesn't know what those are but you can read about it on Wikipedia). So I'm stuck in a niche of working with DNA and RNA on a molecular level. There are jobs out there, I've found lots, and applied to them all. But so far they haven't been "the one."

Being home isn't too bad. I get to sleep in (yes to me 7:30 is sleeping in b/c for work I have to be up by 6) and then spend some time cuddling with Reese while we wake up. Then downstairs for breakfast and some morning cartoons on Disney. The rest of the day varies. Sometimes errands, or playdates, or outings. Some days we just hang out at home playing or doing some preschool work. Overall staying home with the kid is pretty easy, but it's driving me crazy.

I need adult interaction. And my kid needs kid interaction. I feel like I am doing her an injustice having her here with me. She needs to be around a group of children learning to play and work with them. There were always kids she didn't get along with, so she was learning early how to handle that situation. She had teachers with state approved curriculums and all the resources to carry out those curriculums. I'm a school person. I wasn't a straight A student or anything, but I put a high-value on school education. The teachers in preschool went to school to learn how to teach my kid and help her. Sure there are things I know naturally and I can turn a grocery store trip into a lesson about fruits and counting, etc. But in my mind, I cannot match what she would get in an actual school.

Also like I said I need adult interaction. I miss sitting around at lunch and talking about stuff with adults. I miss having deadlines and trouble shooting problems. I even miss meetings, which is scary.

Finally there is the wedding. Our date is still being held and it's only 5 months away. I'm going to start checking out photographers and florists and gathering information but we haven't officially signed anything for that date. So far unemployment has covered all my bills and other incidentals (except the car accident) so we haven't touched out savings. I have a very large tax refund coming as well. We have enough money to pay for the wedding. But if I don't have a job we don't know if we'll have enough money to have a place to live post wedding. Maybe this is a big test of faith from God. We know He wants us to be married. Maybe we should sign the papers and trust that things will come together as He wants. But it's really scary. And I don't have alot of support from my mom right now. Previously she offered Mat and I a place living here for a few months post marriage to save up some more money. But if we drop a couple thousand on the wedding she might not be so willing b/c she thinks it's a waste of money. Anyway that is a whole separate blog.

Please keep praying for me and my strength and patience. Pray for Reese that together she and I can grow together during this time and learn from each other.

Wrong Forecast - Hey the Weathermen do it all the time

Yeah so that blog storm didn't end up coming through. I really miss my laptop and the ability to be able to sit a type wherever, whenever. My job took back their laptop, understandably. And I dropped my other laptop, possibly cracking a circuit board or something. I don't know but if it turns on about 5 min later the screen fades out to nothing.

So here I am at home with lots of fun things to talk about but I never get around to actually sitting and writing them. Hopefully I'll start getting better.

On the topic of weathermen we went to DC on Saturday for the last day of the Cherry Blossom festival. The weather forecast said it would stop raining around noon so we left around 11am for the metro expecting to emerge to sunshine. Surprise surprise the weatherman was wrong. At 1pm as we came out at the Smithsonian it was still very cold and wet.

We decided to hunt down some lunch but also wanted cover. The Smithsonian Castle Information building as a cafe so in we went, along w/ 1/2 the people in DC. Everyone was sitting on the floor eating their food. The food choices were a bit odd and none of the sandwiches were appealing - sorry I don't do pear and orange on my turkey sandwich or maple pumpkin spread w/ my ham - so I decided on a hot dog. They had salads but $9 for a small container of lettuce was too ridiculous to me. Unfortunately they ran out of hot dogs as we ordered Reese's so Mat had to go back outside to a vendor to buy ours and bring them back in.

After we ate we decided to go to the tidal basin. But quickly got cold, ok I got cold b/c I dressed expecting sunshine and 60F weather that was promised. We turned around and headed to the opposite end of the mall for the Air and Space Museum. Again most of DC was in there so it made actually seeing any exhibits a challenge. Eventually Reese got tired of being inside and wanted to see Cherry Blossoms. It was about 4 and the weather had finally started to improve. With the rain most of the blossoms were gone but it was still a nice walk down to the Jefferson.

Mat being the smart man he is realized we needed to figure out dinner, and this time we preferred not to do hot dogs. After asking for some directions we started walking and I saw the sign for the waterfront. I knew there were restaurants near where the dinner cruises leave so we started walking. Luckily not to far down we found Phillips and enjoyed a very yummy seafood buffet.

After dinner we headed back to the Jefferson for the fireworks. Mat and Reese went off to get my some coffee b/c I was cold, my feet hurt, and it let Reese run around a bit. During which I spotted some people getting married at the Jefferson. I don't know if they did the real ceremony there or not b/c it was about 3 min but I saw them kiss and then the bridal party joined them for pictures. Pretty cute idea. While waiting for Mat and Reese to come back a groundskeeper told us we wouldn't be able to see the fireworks from where we were. There were about 200 people at the Jefferson who thought they were at the right place. But after some research I figured out that the fireworks were going off . . . . . Down by Phillips where we had just walked from. :-( Back we went and we saw most of the fireworks, our view was blocked a bit by boats. Reese liked the fireworks, but the ducks were more fun.

After the show off we walked to the metro. Reese fell asleep in her stroller which was good. The trains weren't too crowded but we did encounter some rude people. A mom with two preteens who slid under me to sit in the seats directly under the sign that say those seats are for seniors or people with disabilities. Granted I am neither but everywhere else in metro to signs contain a picture or people with baby strollers as well. B/c that way you can tuck to stroller out of site. And I was raised to give my seat up to older people.

Anyway overall is was a fun day because we were all together as a family. We learned lots of good things for our next trip to DC.

Funny Reese Story - The day before Reese went upstairs in the morning to get dressed. Curious after a few minutes I went upstairs and Reese is standing in the hallway staring a the guest room. When she sees me she says "Mommy I thought there was a Bear upstairs!! But it's just Grammy snoring" This was almost as funny as when she told Grandad he like white wine "Because you're hair is white"